I was Union Jacked, Kerouac'd 
John Birched, stopped and searched 
Rolling Stoned and Beatled till I'm blind 
I've been Ayn Randed, nearly branded 
Communist 'cos I'm lefthanded 
That's the hand they use, well, never mind! 

I've been Walt Disneyed, Dis Disleyed 
John Lennoned, Krishna Menoned 
Walter Brennan punched out Cassius Clay 
I've heard the truth from Lenny Bruce 
and all my wealth won't buy me health 
So I smoke a pint of tea a day 

I knew a man his brain so small, 
He couldn't think of nothin' at all 
He's not the same as you and me 
He doesn't dig poetry 
He's so unhip that When you say Dylan, 
he thinks you're talkin' about Dylan Thomas 
Whoever he is 
The man ain't got no culture 
But its alright, Ma 
It's just something I learned over in England

I've been James Joyced, Rolls Royced 
Mick Jaggered, silver daggered 
Andy Warhol won't you please come home? 
I've been mother, fathered, aunt and uncled 
Tom Wilsoned, Art Garfunkled 
Barry Kornfeld's mother's on the phone 

When in London, do as I do 
Find yourself a friendly haiku 
Go to sleep for ten or fifteen years